Lost in the Field

Wow, it's getting bad out there.

When I'm 64

Never promise to those younger than you things that you cannot make so. Those younger will come to see it not as hopefulness but as manipulation.

Downtown to Midtown

Without the jazz, I'd still be too tightly wound for my own good.

Nine Big Betas

I thought I was just shuttling through the tapes; another edit job. Turns out I was reviewing lives I had left behind. If the past is so unrecoverable and the future so uncertain, shouldn't now have more to offer?

Minus Two

Now that you've crossed over and I'm still here, perhaps you know whether or not I put my self at risk given my chemical imbalance and the ambient temperature.

Nice Night in Hudson

Christmas was very nice, JP; you should have been there.

Respectfully King of Rain

And the queen said to the dealer,
"I'll give you twenty rifles for the king."
And the moon that was almost drunk smiled,
'cause he know that everyone was thinking the same thing.

Late-Learned Geography

Turns out that when I visited Doug in Suffern, I was only about 70 miles from Bethel.

Crossing the Mississippi

I've always wanted to like Memphis. It sees like it should be as heartland as anywhere in America.

Fairview

I was carrying her because she could not go on when it all turned into a modern, subtle update of A Clockwork Orange; random, unexplainable, violent. Among the acts was tossing her off a roof. To the dismay of the evil, she glided.

Dark Signs

Days later, there was no sign of the dog's visit; what the lint trap gave up being the only exception.

Vapor Lock

In a way, it's sad to substitute silicon for carbon but, sometimes, the internet can be that reassuring figure, that teacher or guide, the one that brings peace to you though it's knowledge.

The Grand Old Dream

People were asking for things and looked to me as the host. It had to have been thought of as a party since the only way this unexplainable collection of people was there and could have found the place was through invitation. I can't say what was being celebrated since many were asking about my fathers death and the whole thing was being held at great-uncle Elwood's still-unsold house. There were friends from all my schools, relatives, friends of my mother's, former neighbors from everywhere I lived and others whose connections to m were beguilingly vague.

Things got magically weird when I saw the kids were running around the outside of the house. I followed a bit, around to the back, to discover more garages and driveways leading to Uncle Elwood's house than I had remembered. The terracing was near-impossible. The tuck-under garages defied architecture. Once inside the garages, I found that they continued into a the basement and led to a series of rooms I had never seen before, although I had been in the house 100 times over the years.

I was stunned to discover the spaces. They were not impossible by their existence, merely improbable because (a) the house would have never been designed in such a way and (b) given the area they occupied, they must extend nearly to the neighbor's foundation.

The rooms ran the gamut of typical basement utility to overly ornate pantry and storage. Each was reclaimed space; there were after-the-fact solutions for lighting each area, various floor treatments and some elements of comfort that made me think my great uncle spent leisure time in each one. They were connected sometimes by a doorway, sometimes by a short flight of stairs. The rooms seemed laid out in some order, but you could not sketch a diagram of it no matter how recently you were there; like some hybrid of tunneling a mine and industrial asset resourcefulness.

I found the room he kept all his old guns. There was a space the had rows of garment bags hanging on chrome pipes. Other rooms had books and LP records. One had a sink, counters and some refrigerators. Although the latches had been removed (safety first) they were still plugged in and had snack food in them; in case, you know, an unexplainable party was about to break out.

In every room there were things I wanted to show others and many of those others were at the party somewhere. Each space begged for hours of exploration and reminiscence. Every one appeared as if Uncle Elwood was just in there tinkering and puttering yesterday.

How long, I wonder, will my mind be able to illustrate these recollections and restore this sense of wonder?

Walking the Earth

Master Po: Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds.
Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat?
Caine: No.
Po: Do you hear the grasshopper that is at your feet?
Caine: Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?

How's the Italian Food in this Place?

"I am sorry. What happened to your father was business. I have much respect for your father. But your father, his thinking is old-fashioned. You must understand why I had to do that. Now let's work through where we go from here."

"Everything all right? I respect myself, understand, and cannot allow another man to hold me back. What happened was unavoidable. I had the unspoken support of the other Family dons. If your father were in better health, without his eldest son running things, no disrespect intended, we wouldn't have this nonsense. We will stop fighting until your father is well and can resume bargaining. No vengeance will be taken. We will have peace. But your Family should interfere no longer."

It Became Evident in June

He has no passions. There is charisma and energy but he wholly consumed by ideological policy and that is it. There is no unchoreographed romance.

True Faith of Sorts

Now I fear you've left me standing
In a world that's so demanding.

Two Days Later

Downtown was not the same, it had evolved differently. There was passenger rail and commercial property along the river all the way to US 61. I'm not sure why we were using that condo with the good view, but I remember trying to make sure we left it just as we found it. Nor am I sure what was going on that caused the trouble. There was loading and unloading of intermodal containers at a dock and then some manner of escape on the passenger platforms east on the east side of the central core. When I was finally arrested, I was relieved and felt that it was less-worse than getting away with whatever I would be getting away with.

It Wasn't in the Numbers

Even though it didn't add up on the form, they went ahead and did it anyway.

Overcast Saturday Night

The back yard would become the resting place for two icons. One hosted the affairs of a family business. The other was a faithful companion. Both had been honored with place in my home for over a decade.

But now is about change. It's different now. Both icons had their time run out on my watch, and both met a similar fate; the pyre.

Both are gone, but life goes on, and they will remain with me in the back yard.