Nice Night in Hudson

Christmas was very nice, JP; you should have been there.

Respectfully King of Rain

And the queen said to the dealer,
"I'll give you twenty rifles for the king."
And the moon that was almost drunk smiled,
'cause he know that everyone was thinking the same thing.

Late-Learned Geography

Turns out that when I visited Doug in Suffern, I was only about 70 miles from Bethel.

Crossing the Mississippi

I've always wanted to like Memphis. It sees like it should be as heartland as anywhere in America.

Fairview

I was carrying her because she could not go on when it all turned into a modern, subtle update of A Clockwork Orange; random, unexplainable, violent. Among the acts was tossing her off a roof. To the dismay of the evil, she glided.

Dark Signs

Days later, there was no sign of the dog's visit; what the lint trap gave up being the only exception.

Vapor Lock

In a way, it's sad to substitute silicon for carbon but, sometimes, the internet can be that reassuring figure, that teacher or guide, the one that brings peace to you though it's knowledge.

The Grand Old Dream

People were asking for things and looked to me as the host. It had to have been thought of as a party since the only way this unexplainable collection of people was there and could have found the place was through invitation. I can't say what was being celebrated since many were asking about my fathers death and the whole thing was being held at great-uncle Elwood's still-unsold house. There were friends from all my schools, relatives, friends of my mother's, former neighbors from everywhere I lived and others whose connections to m were beguilingly vague.

Things got magically weird when I saw the kids were running around the outside of the house. I followed a bit, around to the back, to discover more garages and driveways leading to Uncle Elwood's house than I had remembered. The terracing was near-impossible. The tuck-under garages defied architecture. Once inside the garages, I found that they continued into a the basement and led to a series of rooms I had never seen before, although I had been in the house 100 times over the years.

I was stunned to discover the spaces. They were not impossible by their existence, merely improbable because (a) the house would have never been designed in such a way and (b) given the area they occupied, they must extend nearly to the neighbor's foundation.

The rooms ran the gamut of typical basement utility to overly ornate pantry and storage. Each was reclaimed space; there were after-the-fact solutions for lighting each area, various floor treatments and some elements of comfort that made me think my great uncle spent leisure time in each one. They were connected sometimes by a doorway, sometimes by a short flight of stairs. The rooms seemed laid out in some order, but you could not sketch a diagram of it no matter how recently you were there; like some hybrid of tunneling a mine and industrial asset resourcefulness.

I found the room he kept all his old guns. There was a space the had rows of garment bags hanging on chrome pipes. Other rooms had books and LP records. One had a sink, counters and some refrigerators. Although the latches had been removed (safety first) they were still plugged in and had snack food in them; in case, you know, an unexplainable party was about to break out.

In every room there were things I wanted to show others and many of those others were at the party somewhere. Each space begged for hours of exploration and reminiscence. Every one appeared as if Uncle Elwood was just in there tinkering and puttering yesterday.

How long, I wonder, will my mind be able to illustrate these recollections and restore this sense of wonder?

Walking the Earth

Master Po: Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds.
Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat?
Caine: No.
Po: Do you hear the grasshopper that is at your feet?
Caine: Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?

How's the Italian Food in this Place?

"I am sorry. What happened to your father was business. I have much respect for your father. But your father, his thinking is old-fashioned. You must understand why I had to do that. Now let's work through where we go from here."

"Everything all right? I respect myself, understand, and cannot allow another man to hold me back. What happened was unavoidable. I had the unspoken support of the other Family dons. If your father were in better health, without his eldest son running things, no disrespect intended, we wouldn't have this nonsense. We will stop fighting until your father is well and can resume bargaining. No vengeance will be taken. We will have peace. But your Family should interfere no longer."

It Became Evident in June

He has no passions. There is charisma and energy but he wholly consumed by ideological policy and that is it. There is no unchoreographed romance.

True Faith of Sorts

Now I fear you've left me standing
In a world that's so demanding.

Two Days Later

Downtown was not the same, it had evolved differently. There was passenger rail and commercial property along the river all the way to US 61. I'm not sure why we were using that condo with the good view, but I remember trying to make sure we left it just as we found it. Nor am I sure what was going on that caused the trouble. There was loading and unloading of intermodal containers at a dock and then some manner of escape on the passenger platforms east on the east side of the central core. When I was finally arrested, I was relieved and felt that it was less-worse than getting away with whatever I would be getting away with.

It Wasn't in the Numbers

Even though it didn't add up on the form, they went ahead and did it anyway.

Overcast Saturday Night

The back yard would become the resting place for two icons. One hosted the affairs of a family business. The other was a faithful companion. Both had been honored with place in my home for over a decade.

But now is about change. It's different now. Both icons had their time run out on my watch, and both met a similar fate; the pyre.

Both are gone, but life goes on, and they will remain with me in the back yard.

What Radio Problem?

As it turns out, all my concern for which music to roll with became moot once the 348 settled into idle.

Striped in White

She laughed and so did I in our lane
And then she went to a vending machine
To buy a candy cane
But right next to that was a boy I knew
With a spring in his hand
Playing a country pinball machine
Called 'stand by your man'
I saw him talk to her
But I stayed in my lane
And played my game steady
And was thinking of a day
When I'd be too old to throw a ball this heavy

Not Losing is Better Than Winning.

So this thought has crossed my mind recently: In lieu of the expected crash which has not come, I now think I've processed the last month in a way not unlike the way we both looked at casino gambling. Remember the reason we never dove too deep?

If that's the deal in my head, that's really sad, because it makes the shadow calendar go back decades and not just years.

Wild Trailer

Children, wake up, hold your mistake up
Before they turn the summer into dust.
If the children don't grow up
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causing rain storms
Turning every good thing to rust.

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

The Story, Analyzed

Slagsmålsklubben - Sponsored by destiny from Tomas Nilsson on Vimeo.

The Decision of a Lifetime

Right in the middle of whatever was happening, the Asian man across the table from me asked why I was wearing a pinstriped shirt when the table cloth was solid white. It was if I was supposed to know that what pattern the table cloth would be before I got there. I deflected the question by saying I should have packed more shirts and that seemed to placate him.

The only reason I had a shirt at all was by the grace of the man who apparently would become my boss, or my boss' boss, or something. Only 10 minutes earlier, I was in his outer office and reception room. He himself was moving through a closet providing me some shirt/tie options. Also in the room were a dozen very-well dressed men who were introducing themselves to me and palming me their cards. The one that shook my hand the quickest and then left the room was the most noticeable.

Back at the long tables, I was reading a two-sided, single-page job offer. It was in English, but in a format that I'd not seen before. It wasn't evident what my responsibilities would be, or who I'd work for. It seemed I'd be in the UK; compensation was in pounds sterling.

I thought briefly that the phone call I just finished was a set-up; another episode of hand-holding that had dotted and hindered my career at my current job. In my current place it was very easy to tell her I was out of the country and she should take care of it herself.

After glancing at both sides of the offer, finding nothing objectionable but filled with questions, I felt that flush that comes with dramatic change. Everyone at both tables began clapping, as if a treaty had been signed. It was happening very fast and the pressure to go along was overwhelming.

Another Day in the Woods

Finally, my biography hits the shelf.

If it's Monday . . .

And now your answer, my friend,
Is blowing in one head and out the other
But you will find yourself
You will recognize and realize
Even when you can't forget
The times they tried you, things denied you, inside the big nameless house
From which everyone moves away.

No; not mine.

The New Isolation

Are you here, with me somehow? Are you watching, following me around?

Do you now see things now that hadn't occurred to you before?

What the hell happend? How did we get here?

Did you know exactly what you were doing?

Coffee Not That Impressive Anymore

I've decide jolts come in three sizes. There's the Had-the-Third-Venti-After-All Jolt. It's relatively predictable and not troublesome long-term. There's the Noticing-Cop/Radar Gun-Stakeout-Too-Late Jolt. Whether the outcome is good or bad, at least that jolt is short-lived. The third, yet unnamed jolt, comes from glancing toward the neighbor's garage, where, through the open door, you see only the legs of your elderly neighbor and wonder, as you jump the fence, how long she's been lying there on this February morning.

All three jolts in one week, I have just decided, command a day of rest and reflection, and early to bed.

The Serene Life of the Lighthouse Keeper

To Reminds You

Pain reminds you you're alive. To that end, some pain is to be cherished.